Rop Ferendez (Humanity)

EXPERIENCES

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

hey all; guess i can soon close my blog, no one visits! hahs..
merry xmas all; nth much. did nth much. =)

today marks a day that i won't forget, cuz it's near christmas. lol. the day of tsunami too. it's my grandma 6th death anniversary. simply cuz i realised that family really means alot to me now. though sometimes i will not say it out, but i really put it in my heart.

i remember the day; she departed from this world. a call while playing my game; grandma passed away on that day. 6 years ago. when i was pri6-sec1 kiddo. i didn't cry. maybe i'm just a kid and really don't understand much. i've a performance then few days after my grandma, and i couldn't go at first. but my parents eventually let me go.

it was the first funeral i remember it so clearly, that i've attended and part of it. i didn't seem sad or anything. even deep down inside, i know i'm not really that sad or what.

remembering that every visit costs her $2 per grandkid. santa grandma =) sometimes i went there is also because of that. when she's dying, i think i did expect that $2. but she's so weak and unable to do much stuffs, i feel sad.

she's my only grandma who lives in my heart, my only grandparent alive for 12 years of my life. i wished that i could have a greater bond with her. i know i couldn't turn back time now, but if i have the chance to, i would wanna spend more time with my family. cause i know that, when i have a family next time, i wish that my kid would do the same to me.

i would call her "popo". my mom calls her "santa clause" in chinese. those days, i missed her, not because of the $2 anymore, but the love she put in for that $2. her savings, her energy from taking out that $2 from her pocket, that willingness without hesitation.

i always hated the smell of old people. they have this tinge of smell. but now, the smell reminds me of her. the clothes she wore, so old-fashioned, but it's her.

now she's gone, i know i should have been a better grandson and love her, kiss her, hug her. all these are lost, in this physical world. i just hope that this mental thought would replace my that moment of greed or whatever.

you're my only grandma, i knew, i came across, who love me, that $2, the smell, the clothes, 12 years of my life.

i love you grandma, i miss you dearly. i hope you are doing fine now, in your life now, (after being my grandma).

26Dec, <3 santa grandma.
RIP; with love.
Diary @ ~~12/26/2007 03:41:00 AM;~~